all hurricanes are liberals
they always spin to the left
their main source of power is hot air
they leave a mess everywhere they go
we always have to clean up after them
sane people leave when one approaches
they wander around with no set direction
I was reading this James Bond book,
and right away
I realized that like most books,
it had too many words.
The plot was the same one that
all James Bond books have:
An evil person tries to blow up the world,
but James Bond kills him
and his henchmen
and makes love to several attractive women.
There, that’s it: 24 words.
But the guy who wrote the book
took *thousands* of words to say it.
Or consider “The Brothers Karamazov”,
by the famous Russian alcoholic
It’s about these two brothers who kill their father.
Or maybe only one of them kills the father.
It’s impossible to tell because
what they mostly do is talk
for nearly a thousand pages.
If all Russians talk
as much as the Karamazovs did,
I don’t see how they found time
to become a major world power.
I’m told that Dostoyevsky wrote
“The Brothers Karamazov” to raise
the question of whether there is a God.
So why didn’t he just come right out
and say: “Is there a God?
It sure beats the heck out of me.”
Other famous works could easily
have been summarized in a few words:
* “Moby Dick” — Don’t mess around
with large whales because they
symbolize nature and will kill you.
* “A Tale of Two Cities”
— French people are crazy.
— Dave Barry
“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.”
“The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.”
The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.”
“Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.”
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to
go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
— Mark Twain
The bay-trees in our country are all wither’d
And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven;
The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth
And lean-look’d prophets whisper fearful change.
These signs forerun the death or fall of kings.
— Wm. Shakespeare, “Richard II”